There is a line in Saving Private Ryan when Tom Hanks says, "Oh,... no... That memory is just for me."
We have come to use the phrase Rose Bushes to mean special moments that somehow seem to be almost sullied in the re-telling. Seems silly now in light of the wildly explicit recounting of some things we have shared here from behind a mask of anonymity.
It is no doubt more exciting for us to page back and relive some of these moments though so it seems a fair trade off. Throw in the exhibitionist thrill of the possibility of someone jack-or-jill-ing off to the imagery or the images, and it seems so worth leaving the virtual shades up and the lights on.
There are times though like tonight that the idea that an especially powerfully full-filling session was in some way brought about by playing to the audience whether it be the house as a whole or a face in that crowd, it almost cheapens the moment.
I do want to say something about the experience both to get my thoughts on it on paper, and to express my appreciation to the moment and to my wife and the process that led up to the time together.
I feel in writing this a little like I do when tackling a post on my vanilla blog where I try to keep it family friendly while still being relevant. What I wanted to say in broad strokes was that we were very intimate tonight. In every sense of the word. We seemed very connected to each other and to thoughts and well wishes we have received from others. The physiological responses were amazing but it was the levels of trust that were most profound. It seemed to me that her trust in me to love and cherish only her as I blog and read and chat and explore all came together to make me a better lover. It was validating for me.
I am not saying that the details themselves of the lovemaking need be kept from view, rather if when she wakes from slumber she feels the muse to detail from her perspective what she felt I wouldn't mind hearing every explicit detail straight form her lips or along with the rest of you from her keyboard. I just wanted to stay in the moment myself and enjoy a moment of quiet if smug satisfaction with maybe a quiet wink to the unnamed muse.