Negotiating a Sexual and Emotional Minefield. -The Husband

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

With Cum & a Smile on Her Lips. - The Husband

That's how I sent Wifey back to work.

At the time, I was satisfied, my pipes having been cleaned but had no idea the levels of foreshadowing in this event. I was pleased with my videography. I was no less pleased that I had managed to cum in her throat. It's a bit of an exaggeration that she had cum on her lips, I was pretty deep in her throat when I came and when she invaded my mouth with her eager tongue seconds later, there wasn't a hint.

As she described, she gave me a great blow job. I would have cum in just the first couple of minutes If I hadn't decided to play Cecil B. DeMille with the digicam. I felt my balls tighten several times. I made no concerted effort to hold out because I actually wanted to surprise her with a mouthful MORE than I wanted to record the moment, but since often I have trouble 'getting there' if we are under a time crunch, I figured I'd grab a shot or two for Fellatio Friday.

In all the excitement of reaching orgasm in less than 5 minutes we had before she had to go back to work, I missed a lot:

I caught the look of rapt attention she sensed me approaching the edge. I missed that the thing that put me over the edge was when I looked down at her licking my balls and told her that the next time I have cock in hand on cam, I want her posed right there. Not very present in the moment was it?

I caught that her technique was smoother going all the way down in one motion instead of the reach the back of the throat adjust, and take it all in. I missed noticing that for the first time in EVER, something we did triggered her previously dormant gag reflex.

I caught that she was approaching her task with relish. I missed that she was feeling me a little emotionally disconnected the last day or so and was connecting with my soul as she was connecting with my cock.

I caught myself in the 'dominant role' I missed the subtle topping from the bottom cues that foreshadowed her first topping from the top she would do later that night as she subconsciously administered the salve of redemption through pain, rather than receiving as per usual.

And most of all I missed the foreshadowing that his blow-job, delayed from a lick and a promise unfinished one the day before, and hastily tossed of before an arbitrary Fellatio Friday deadline, that it was to be one of two fellatio to completion attempts in less than twelve hours.

From that 5 minutes elapsed time from dropping my pants to kissing her goodbye, there is a week's worth of blogging subtext.

That First Tingle of Attraction is Delicious - The Geek

The look returned, the click of a pair of heels, the swish of a skirt, the pout of a lip, the word read, the wonderment of what promise that person holds. I was thinking about this tonight as I played a silly little word association game. There were few people on, and a relatively new poster was posting. I know nothing of her at all, not the most minimal of description. SO far I see only that she likes soulful music and uses soft and gentle terms when associating terms on a suggestive thread. Not much to go on, but still a little tension, drawn taut makes one feel electric doesn't it?

Next when that person took their sleepy self to bed I meandered through other threads till I happened upon a thread of a person probably on the other end of the age spectrum that I have long admired. I happened to have something to say on the subject and in a whimsical mood, posted a Seuss-esq response. When it seemed to elicit a giggle I pressed on with more rhyme then a haiku. I found myself wanting praise for my sophomoric poetry. Here the attraction is her rapier wit and better, her smiling at mine.

It makes me think of what would have attracted me to my wife, my soul mate if we had met 17 years later and online instead of in "real life". Without question her quick mind, sense of humor and mad typing skills. There is a thread where you drop a letter and add a letter creating a new word. I play with her over her shoulder. Not only does she solve the puzzle faster than I, she can often link the word to the previous word in some other way. How sexy is that? Then there is the whole open-minded thing. Not every woman, nor even every bi-sexual woman is going to "get" the sexuality of a heterosexual crossdresser. She is open enough to people that i can easily see confiding such a thing to her (if I had known it about myself) while still strangers. Then there is that flirtatious nymphosity...what more could a man want?

Lazy Morning Back Rub. - The Husband

I was a little morose last night. Came out of nowhere. Nothing I felt justified in pouting over. It was my own past deeds bringing up some well-earned guilt. My wife was patient with me as I worked through it. That is beyond long-suffering, especially since prior to my unexpected attack of conscience, she was very much in the mood. She waited it out and like other storms in the past this minor squall passed. We had a "lovely" time, and full of whatever chemical is released to keep the male from jostling the work-product after delivery, I fell to sleep.

I awoke still a little chagrined, but determined not to bring my self-abuse into the new day to cast a cloud on a very nice day here. When I don't feel good about myself, I withdraw, turn in. I was determined not to so silly as it sounds, I accepted her forgiveness by asking for a back rub this morning. (I know, I know, big of me huh?) But it worked, I was feeling connected and loved and accepted. I always am loved and accepted, but I struggle.

When she sleepily tired of scritching. I rolled over to scratch her, er, uh, front I guess. She didn't roll over so I did my best to keep it chaste and affectionate rather than sexual...I failed miserably......

That's LOVELY, Dear. - The Husband

Do you have a word that is purposely overused in your household?

For us it is "Lovely". It takes on all different meanings depending on the shading I give it. It started because at some point the wife had done something crafty and wanted my opinion on its brilliance. I was distracted and in "newspaper" mode as I call it based on the non-distinct grunts you could get out of my dad when he read the newspaper. He was rudely transparent about not listing. That wasn't y intent, I just was in my left brain when she asked and although that side has a several thousand world vocabulary, I don't write poetry with it. I have always had a bit of a bifurcated brain structure. Like I can't count and dance, but if I don't count I can dance.

Lovely can mean now, "meh, not really into it, if delivered with a frown" or Thats actually clever but I choose to deny you discernible feedback just because I am a sadist." if delivered with a grin.

I often say after a particularly raunchy romp "That was lovely, dear."

My wife is actually quite lovely so its a shame such a nice, gentle superlative got co-opted. She remembers the first intimate complement I gave her was "You know, you are really lovely". Apparently delivered in a nice Chinese restaurant sitting side by side as I turned to look at her.

We were sitting here just now discussing this because of a modification of my sigline on a forum, where I mean lovely in the adoring sense. It occurs to me though that the sig points to pictures that are, well , post romp lovely.

So I said to her with a sly grin. "You know dear, you are lovely....wait....and you suck a lovely cock!" . Gazing winningly, she rejoined, "You do have a lovely cock, and I do suck it on occasion."

Lights Out. -The Husband

I had observed in my younger days doing shall we say nocturnal fieldwork, that couples might make-out for a bit with the lights on, but when it came time to be intimate they tended to turn out the lights. Illumination if at all was from a flickering candle or a cathode ray tube.

In our early years, we had the lights a-blazing. As an avid voyeur, I saw no reason to miss out on any visual detail. We did candles, but usually lots of them to inflame the pyro in me. As we aged and added some bulges and bumps, we tended to dim out light sources until we, too were making the beast with two backs by the blue light of the TV with the sound down. Not a very efficient light source, that.

With some really remarkable effort on both our parts we have lost the equivalent of another body in bed. To the consternation of our friends who want a different answer to how we lost the weight , we did it from eating less, and being more active. Our sex lives have picked up as of late in frequency, duration, and the athleticism involved. As you can see from the last entry we can at times be a little intense, and the light levels are definitely back up.

Yesterday, I was playing some of those ad a letter/drop a letter, alphabet, word association, etc. games on a forum we frequent. One involved alphabetizing gerunds. (of course they didn't actually say gerunds, they simply said to find an "ing" word starting with the next letter of the alphabet.) I couldn't think of one for K for some reason, when usually I am pretty fast in riffling through my lexicon. She suggested "Kicking", which I started typing till she said "Kissing". Funny how a word can evoke memories. I mean it isn't like we don;t kiss on a regular basis. more lately than in a long time, some affectionate pecks, as well as a sprinkling of varied intensities thrown into the mix or our love-making, and even at times when we are just fucking. It occurs to me that that seems to be the difference. not the kink level but the kiss level in determining whether we are "Being Intimate" or "Fucking".

I remembered back to times when I was still in most ways imaginable a virgin, and she was while somewhat impatient, respecting my boundaries. I wish I could say my reticence was because of devout piety, but the truth was I was superstitious. My most serious previous relationship had ended, I thought at the time, as punishment at the hand of God. Not surprising I thought that given my repressive upbringing and the fact that I am in fact a direct descendant of Increase Mather. (I found out much too late that my poor attempt at self-education could have perhaps been rectified if I had had a large wad of cash and had presented my genealogy to the admissions office at Harvard and claimed the ultimate legacy status.)

Where was I? Oh, children of an Angry God and that sort of thing.

So, I convinced myself that if I went "too far" I would lose this girl that I was quite smitten with, sexually and emotionally. I drew silly incongruent lines to define the bounds of proper behavior, or at least behavior no worse than the week before say. We would have conversations that had a very heavily sexually charged undercurrent, while making plans to avoid for instance being alone together, as the flesh was weak. Very supple, and weak.....(enjoying euphoric recall here.)

So the kinkiest seemed to be the times we were most determined to "be good". We noticed the pattern early and we would torment each-other with the phrase, "We are going to be good..." "...Very good.."

So last night I wanted to re-live a little of the plain old make-out session time. I hadn't specifically planned anything vis-a-vis the lighting scheme. I had only resolved to leave the rope, the duct tape, the belt, and the kink put away, and just kiss. for as long as I could without leading anywhere else. I wasn't going to resist any advances she might be inspired to make, but I would be chaste, I resolved. Out of the shower, teeth brushed, I killed the distraction of the TV and when I flipped off the bathroom light the whole room was plunged into darkness. Interestingly that seemed to add to setting a new tone. I don't think the lighting level matters in this experiment for a couple, just try something different than you usually do, whatever that is. Unless you are blind in which case maybe write bright or dim slogans on each other in braille.

I fumbled trough the dark without stubbing a toe or barking a shin and found her on 'her side' of the bed guided in part by the redolent tones of the toddler snoring on my side. As planned we kissed and reminisced and it took not long at all for her to pick-up on the fact that I was reliving the days of being good. We didn't stay good, including other fantasy tableaus in our couping but just the slow delay made certain sensations all the more delicious.

She pointed out that I in fact was never this chaste at our best, but I pointed out that in fact I was in the earliest days before I succumbed to her feminine whiles and fell. I played the coquette, she played the gentle encourager and we had a fine time.

Lets try this again... - The husband

Baby is better, happy and healthy and a terror once again. Safely asleep and out of the bed, linens once again washed.

Jane is in the shower...smooth soapy and wet...yummmy

Need to get a quick rinse myself then lay back and watch the virtuoso perform.

I'll let you know how it blows, er glows, er grows, er goes I mean!

edit:

The fellatio as expected was outstanding. I managed to forstall my excitement and present her with a flacid clean workspace to start from. Always fun to see and feels amazing for a small flaccid nibble grow in her mouth and slowly fetreat out full size a short while later. Great conjuring trick.

Lots of warm wet tongue swirling around the shaft, pressing on that spot under the tip of the head that feels so good, a few shudder inspiring teasing licks at the ABC (Ass-to-Ball-Connection). Short, fast strokes with her mouth following the contours p and over the ridge of my head. a little medium throat wish isn't as impressive looking as deep throat but is what feels the best. I thought for a while I would reward her efforts in a visible way, but the moment passed suddenly as it does sometimes. With her depth of experience she can tell, and usually moves on to other activities, this time lying back for the highly under-rated missionary position.

I started a little filthy verbal encouragement based in part on some pictures she had seen of a young man that she fond aesthetically pleasing and emotionally disturbing as our oldest turns 18 in a couple of weeks. This guy could easily fit in with the 18-21 crowd that or son hangs around in. At some point though I felt I was forcing a square peg in a perfectly nice warm wet round hole. I can do that sometimes. Chasing an orgasm is the surest way to forestall one. She took over the narrative and fleshed out the scene more vividly and with out too much more aerobic activity I had yet another orgasm to ad to my tally for the day.

We have a semi-serious idea of starting yet two more blogs just to track orgasms or maybe just twin counter bars. She will win of course, always, but we thought it might be fun to keep track.

All in all 8 out of 10 for sensations, I think I should have just been more present in the moment This is a mistake I make often trying to cram to much fantasy and role play and positions int what is really a pretty simple effective coupling to orgasm. What is there between us at the moment is enough and I tend to forget that chasing greater highs.

Rose Bushes....The Geek

There is a line in Saving Private Ryan when Tom Hanks says, "Oh,... no... That memory is just for me."

We have come to use the phrase Rose Bushes to mean special moments that somehow seem to be almost sullied in the re-telling. Seems silly now in light of the wildly explicit recounting of some things we have shared here from behind a mask of anonymity.

It is no doubt more exciting for us to page back and relive some of these moments though so it seems a fair trade off. Throw in the exhibitionist thrill of the possibility of someone jack-or-jill-ing off to the imagery or the images, and it seems so worth leaving the virtual shades up and the lights on.

There are times though like tonight that the idea that an especially powerfully full-filling session was in some way brought about by playing to the audience whether it be the house as a whole or a face in that crowd, it almost cheapens the moment.

I do want to say something about the experience both to get my thoughts on it on paper, and to express my appreciation to the moment and to my wife and the process that led up to the time together.

I feel in writing this a little like I do when tackling a post on my vanilla blog where I try to keep it family friendly while still being relevant. What I wanted to say in broad strokes was that we were very intimate tonight. In every sense of the word. We seemed very connected to each other and to thoughts and well wishes we have received from others. The physiological responses were amazing but it was the levels of trust that were most profound. It seemed to me that her trust in me to love and cherish only her as I blog and read and chat and explore all came together to make me a better lover. It was validating for me.

I am not saying that the details themselves of the lovemaking need be kept from view, rather if when she wakes from slumber she feels the muse to detail from her perspective what she felt I wouldn't mind hearing every explicit detail straight form her lips or along with the rest of you from her keyboard. I just wanted to stay in the moment myself and enjoy a moment of quiet if smug satisfaction with maybe a quiet wink to the unnamed muse.

Frenzied Laptop Repair...The Geek

Our HP laptops are both PLAGUED by problems with power supply issues.They are completely different models, I think mine is based on an older HP laptop platform from before the merger with Compac, and hers is (since i have taken it apart 3 times now) I think an older Compac sub-notebook platform that was adapted and re-purposed to to fit a larger case that could accommodate a larger monitor than the originally designed small notebook.

The toddler (who tonight surprising no one interrupted a planned spanking induced endorphin releasing session) has repeatedly grabbed the cords and either damaged the cord or the socket or both. For what we have spent on circuit boards, power cords and aggravation we could easily buy a new laptop and fight over who gets the old HP. I used to LOVE all things HP, and owned nothing but, but I will not be purchasing from them again. The desktop sits dead downstairs. That HP lasted 18 months..(for a desktop!!!)

Anyway the rant got the better of me, but maybe if the engineers at HP (who I think are probably really competent) are reading sex blogs in frustration that corporate is letting sales guys and repurposing recommending accounting guys dictate how product is engineered, then my rant shall not be in vain. SO zip up boys and get back to work. If anyone from HP wants to send me a complimentary laptop to evaluate, I shall be delighted to praise it here if after my trial period of say 12 months plus a day I can still use it to type with.

Sorry readers for the digression, this post really is going to get kinky, bear with me...

Anyway what I wanted to say is that while my wife (who finally got the toddler asleep on her ample bosom) slept, somewhat satisfied but im need of some stripes across her ass, I fired up the laptop and went online. I went to a yahoo ID that she does not know (at the moment) the name of, and was delighted to find a recently acquired friend of mine was online.

We recently had another little trust/honesty session that was really fulfilling I think for us both.

My wife and I that is, not the girl and I. ~really got to watch to be sure that the antecedent to the pronoun is clear in my prose~ I haven't had occasion to lie to my friend as of yet, but I don't know her that well yet.

In the course of the session where she granted trust freely with no quid pro quo expected, I offered honesty. Partly because she also had made a minor disclosure in that in 'checking' up on me at a site she knows I have, er well gotten entangled in before, she met an honorable gentleman who helped her to see me in a new light. Whether her new perspective on my character flaws is accurate or not, I am grateful to him for the solace he gave her. In short he is a happily married man more or less my age, who was on the very site that concerned her. He explained to her in sincere terms his love for his own wife and that nothing that his wife did or didn't do propelled him in anyway to that site, and that he was far from looking for a replacement but was simply as I understand it (third hand at least by now) looking to meet some of his sexual interests or needs without placing unreasonable demands on his wife who, as he sees it has a bit lower level of interest in these things than he. I don't know that that directly translates for us, but it did help my wife feel better. In our case its really strictly my issues, I sometimes crave sneaky secrecy for its own sake. I love voyeurism for its own sake as well.

This came up because we are now really enjoying our time on that site together it features erotic writing by amateur writers just venting the fantasies in their heads and my personal favorites a "Hey what do you think of this pic of me I just snapped" section. Between the 15 lb monster in out bed and the sex when she finally goes to sleep I was exhausted, so after seeing some of the feedback there to pics we posted and enjoying my wife's blush at the private messages some sent, I went to sleep with the yawning instruction that she was to lure some young girl onto yahoo for a chat and that I expected to see a hot transcript after my nap.

I awoke to her report that she was "too shy" to actually hit on a woman, but she had had a conversation with a guy about shy it is that she was up and horny and I slept. She admitted that she had sent a link to our blog so she could defend my manhood with an explanation of the yeoman's work I have been accomplishing lately and that I had earned my rest,

Up to this point we had by mutual agreement decided not to direct anyone we knew here so that we would be unfettered and free and unembarrassed by the filth. We had talked the night before about letting this person who we just met or that one have it, but we had held off, not on the principle itself, just that none had seemed "blog-worthy" (apologies to Seinfeld's classic "sponge worthy" episode). It wasn't a hard and fast rule at all that moth must agree or anything, just each time we finally agreed that they hadn't "earned" admission to our rose garden.

In this manner the story came out as to who it is that she had given the URL to, and I am more than OK with that. I actually feel a bit of a debt to the man, so if he is reading it now, I salute you sir. I shall at some point think of suitable recompense, like maybe an a picture of her ass with your initials reddened upon it. (we have been in spanking mode as of late.)

In turn, told her about my recent acquaintance in broad terms but haven't yet figured out a way to introduce the two.

I actually did something like that once and it turned out a little surreal, (imagine that). In the former case, I met a girl that was interested in crossdressed males, and helped me to connect preciously isolated (in my defensive and fragmented mind) incidents in my life with the words, "I am a crossdresser". Not to digress yet again in another random direction but despite having worn women's things in private at times and feeling silly and even dressing in bed with my wife once, I just refused to see myself that way. Denial is really powerful. So this girl helped me to figure out sizes and styles and deportment for what was my debutante to my wife. I eventually introduced the two, and they are now confidants, and the friend worries that my wife is enabling my compulsive issues with permissiveness, and that is without her knowing how out there we really have gotten as of late. If she really did know she'd be agasp, but in some ways she has a valid point.

Anyway, let me take this moment to publicly do what I should have done when I first met her. (The girl that is, not my wife. The girl was a child when I met my wife. Again with the antecedents.)

Randomly Met Online Girl, this is my wife, The Fellatio Artist. The Artist (formerly known as just, Dear) this is a great Girl I Met Randomly Online.

That said, I wanted to recap for my dear wife a bit of what happened after she went to sleep tonight. She of course knows about the typing all night because she opened an eye from time to time with resigned but loving resignation that I was on a manic roll. I shall attempt to atone by bringing her an ICY cold Diet Dr. Pepper in the 20 oz bottle (she swears that size tastes better) laden with caffeine to her work tomorrow.

I made sure she was OK with me giving this girl the Blog's URL and explained that I wanted to go onto Yahoo and chat, and that I might well work on the masturbation exercises she has assigned me as of late. Not that the girl directly indulges me, but hearing of some of her adventures often gets me going in a voyeuristic, pervy way. She smiled sleepily and wished me well.

I talked to Randomly Met Online Girl at length like this:

I said (2:05 AM): hi!!!!

She said (2:05 AM): HI!

I said(2:05 AM): I am in bed next to my wife who may or may not be reading over my shoulder

She said (2:06 AM): Hehe, you're paranoid... hopefully

I said (2:06 AM): not paranoid, she really can see if she opens her eyes,but the great news...

I said (2:06 AM): its ok!

I said (2:07 AM): I have mentioned our friendship

I said (2:07 AM): she and I are both on *********** together even posted pics

She said (2:07 AM): Yay!

She said (2:07 AM): I am proud of you both!

I said (2:08 AM): anyway...

I said (2:08 AM): we have everything out in the open

I said (2:09 AM): She even, while she was hurt last week because she suspected I was on, had made an acquaintance that for her is similar to the way you and I talk

She said (2:09 AM): Cool

She said(2:09 AM): How are you with that?

I said (2:10 AM): he helped her see that he, like I loves his wife,and he,and I being on ************* aren't there because we aren't fulfilled at home

I said (2:10 AM): I'm cool with it...

She said (2:11 AM): Good,

I said (2:11 AM): she did send him a link to our sex blog through chat, and I was feeling a little guilty about wanting to have done the same with you, but I hadn't linked you..we have decided we are both cool with giving out the address so I'm sending you there.

So she and I chatted on, after several miscues since she is on some sort of portable device she was able to reach the blog and read. She was complementary of the writing and the pictures and (I beamed) my nails, ~the were press-ons but I wasn't sure anyone noticed~

She gave me some descriptive details about a DVD that apparently reading our blog prompted her to pop into the player, and I was in fact practicing my masturbatory skills imagining what she might be thinking about reading the blog. It felt really weird with a sleeping wife and toddler in the bed. It was at this moment that I got the low battery message and was barely able to diagnose the problem. (fatal decapitation of the entire end of the cord) before I lost power entirely. (And you thought the beginning was irrelevant!)

In the light for the bathroom I anxiously performed surgery on the cord armed with mere fingernail scissors. I twisted the wires into place, crossing my fingers that the 50% chance that the polarity wasn't reversed would pay off for me before I hit the big whammy on a the expensive battery. This impressive procedure was done entirely by feel because at age 40 my eyesight for close work inexplicably failed especially in low light conditions, probably would have happened at 30 if my mother hadn't so lovingly delayed my masturbatory pursuits. I still have 20/15 and 20/20 for distance but haven't for days been able to find the glasses I need to read a soup can.

It worked.

What was really beautiful about the moment though was not the bask in my geeky competence with all things mechanical, but not electrical unless it is a mechanical connection...

It was that I felt confidant of the reply I would have gotten if I had nudged my dear sleeping wife and said, can I borrow your laptop, there is a cute girl I was chatting with and my laptop died. The ONLY reason I would have hesitated was I wouldn't have wanted to disturb her already interrupted and poor quality sleep.

Ironically, my friend had to sign off abruptly not to long after I got back on, but not off. I suspect that she is unfortunately not in a place where absolute trust and honesty is workable in her home. I hope that one way or another she and the other readers if any that have soldiered on through this massive missive find a happy and comfortable balance in their lives between privacy/honesty/openness and trust in their lives too. It feels really nice like a longslowsoftbackrub which my wife has earned more than the spankings she craves currently.

Low-impact Sexercise.

We have been considering whether this blog is reflecting or actually shaping our sex life. There does seem to have been a slightly higher than the mean kink quotient this past week. I have been wondering wen the next creative impulse might hit, and she is kind of hoping her soreness will recede before the next wave of kink looms above.

We have decided that we are going to try a bit of gentle vanilla "love-making" tonight. On the other hand some of the kinkiest times we had when our relationship was in its first bloom was when we actually discussed in advance how "good" we were going to be. Setting boundaries seems to be something that just inspires us to rub up against them..mmm rub up against...~nostalgic~

I suggested perhaps I should tie her up so as to keep her from exceeding her stated parameters. She wasn't so sure that would keep it vanilla tonight.

Ok, lets see, candles? check...lighter? hmm better go look for that.