With barely a whimper... The Geek

..the fifty-thousandth visitor came and left. If he/she/they were typical, they stayed for 2.33 minutes scanning the content of, on average 2.1 pages. It didn't go un-noticed. I look at stats from time to time and especially where visitors come from.

Interestingly many come from my wife's semi-defunct sexy blog. I mentioned this to her the other day and she said she had thought of going black there as she doesn't use it now that we are in the same town again at last, and is a bit uncomfortable with being spank-bank material to the thousands of unseen visitors there.

Many come from search engines, with "cum lips" and Felatio being hot vibrating buzzwords. A picture of my bald head juxtaposed on her bald cunt seems to generate a lot of interest from Goggle images.

As I flit back and forth from blurfing interesting stuff, and replacing the cover page I use to mask what I'm reading from the kids walking through.

Not a lot of privacy in a 1,000 square foot turn-of-the century ramshackle farmhouse. Especially for 6 people used to a 5 bedroom 2,300 foot house with a wireless router two laptops, a couple of desktops, cable tv on one of several tv's and all other manner of distraction.

Not a lot of time when work takes me 15 hours and 15 minutes a day from my door to back home daily for 12-13 out of every 14 days.

Musing, that I have time for. Lots of time.

Alone in my cab, squawk of two-way radio droning on interminably with a couple hundred people on 2 main channels, no place to get a word in, when I do, its too polysyllabic for local tastes. $15 Panasonic cassette decks are treasured on the rare occasion that an antennae is mounted properly to receive one or more of 4 radio stations within range. Much more desirable than the Sirius radios that work not at all over 1/3 of the time, and poorly when they do work in radio mode 1/3 of the time. An actual working, satellite radio (when your equipment is facing in the general direction of the satellite) seems but a cruel joke as those pieces of equipment are inevitable snatched from you , usually mid shift often to trade out an operator in a rolling sweat lodge, where penny-wise and basic logistics understanding management would rather spend an hour a day trading operators than stop the equipment for 20 minutes to add some R-134.

I think of clever turns of phrase, topical ideas and have epiphanies, unnoticed my anyone and unremembered by me as I fall exhausted into bed again.

Excuses, really.

Fear, then.

Afraid I/we have said it all. (Then why the constant voices in my head?)

Afraid that she isn't that into the blog, or has regrets or anxiety about discovery after returning to the small town of her roots. No anonymity here.

Afraid that the next great sex-capade wont' be "blog-worthy". (Nonsense, of course. Sex with this woman is amazing, always. Yes its still new and fresh after 16+ years. Besides, its all fodder for those of you reading with hand encircling turgid shaft, or wrist pressed near warm upper thighs.)

You know the saying, dance like no one is watching? Apt. I never blogged or, really wrote anything of y thoughts because I felt the need to be complete. Avoid fragments. Be cohesive.

I learned to write for the sheer joy of leaving the thoughts of an unquiet mind lay, so others could be afforded breathing space. The practice pad for that was what I like to refer to as my tranny blog. In short I suddenly had a long repressed urge to do the whole J. Edgar Hoover thing without a wife rather than a trusted close male companion/ cum secretary a year or so ago and was (am) a bit confused and conflicted about the whole thing. 50,000 words later I have penned no answers of merit but feel at peace with my femme side, if a bit disjointed. My two sides co-exist with barely a wave to each-other in a fugue state, so the two blogs never meet. Often one is updated and the other not. Barbara is sorely neglected in my rough-and tumble, nail-tearing job. Perfectionism and the horror of looking like a middle aged tranny (if the sling-back fits, and looks cute....)keep me from visiting that side lately.

In my surfing I went from Janie Bloom's blog to FetLife and found, I thought, a place for Barbara to 'come out' not as a dude in a dress, but sexually speaking as she seems oddly (to me) asexual really. I opened a profile for her, but did little else. I enjoy surfing others profiles from my lousy phone interface from work, but have done nothing to speak of for hers. The random comments I occasionally post there have no context.

I added a couple of pics there (tame) lifted from my blog, and had in mind a framework to explain who I am, but got stuck. Also the kids walking through did little to ease my discomfort.

I thought about temporarily linking either of the other two blogs to give a more rounded picture, but kind of prefer the walls remain.

I think a few of the 12 or so regular readers here are aware of the others, but perhaps some are not. Thoughtful readers are welcome to the url's though I have to agree with my wife that "Jane's" Blog is much more spankable than "Barbara's".

Buried in a previous post, unnoticed by all but two or three visitors, ever, is contact information for us. I give it here for any that want the url and have actually read far enough here to notice. To wit: Peep in our window (remove spaces - runitalltogether) then the at sign (@) yahoo then dot com.

Ah, that felt better to get some of those extraneous, probably unnecessarily and ironically redundant, asides and commas out of my system.